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Marketing with Loose Change

The Resource Center for Nonprofit Management, a Riverside, CA, agency that works with nonprofit agencies to improve their operations, asked me to conduct a marketing seminar for non-profit managers.  We had 90 minutes yesterday to learn how to develop a marketing strategy, how to apply the various components of marketing to that strategy, how those components work, and how to use them together.

By definition, nonprofit agencies have no budget for marketing, or very little.  So our last exercise was coming up with a list of ten things these managers could do that afternoon when they went back to the office. 

Here is the list:

1. A press release on your new website.  One manager realized they could send a press release to the local newspaper about their website.
2. Call a local college or university and see about getting a marketing intern.
3. Incorporate links into your website to other sources (by the way, this will increase the SEO of your website).
4. Launch an email marketing campaign with Constant Contact or one of the other email marketing programs on the web.
5. Start a branding campaign, staring with something as simple as developing a standard for how the phone is answered in the office or a standard way your staff signs their emails.
6. Plan an event, and leverage PR for the event.
7. Start the process to develop a strategic marketing plan.
8. Plan a word-of-mouth campaign.
9. Talk to local media about what sorts of discounts they can offer nonprofits for display advertising.
10. Launch a public relations campaign.

These are things you can do today to jump start your marketing program.  But I emphasize #7, because truly effective marketing starts with a strategy.

A Threat to the Internet!!

I have often counseled my own children - all grown now - that you need to discipline yourself once you get into the professional world. I have passed on the same advice to many fellow professionals - mostly younger. Get to the office on time, be conscientious about your work, dress appropriately, and do not abuse sick leave.

Fail to do this and someone else will do it for you, and chances are you will not like it.

The same applies to the internet.

The Los Angeles Times recently reported (click here to read article) that virtual banks on Second Life were given a deadline to cease operations? This was part of the fallout from the hasty retreat of Ginko, a bank on Second Life that closed its doors and left town with $75,000 of investors' money.

Marketers should be concerned. The internet has proven immensely valuable to us. Anything that compromises its integrity may also compromise our ability to use it as a marketing vehicle.

For those of you saying, "What is Second Life," a quick e-education.

Second Life is a virtual environment in cyberspace. Unlike MySpace, where the communication is through the printed word and flashy graphics - but in the end a pretty static environment - Second Life is much more advanced. There are towns and villages, destinations, resorts, you name it. Reuters has a correspondent on Second Life. Most of the serious presidential campaigns have a presence. IBM, Best Buy and countless others can be found. There is even Second Life currency, called Lindens after Linden Lab, the company that created Second Life (the exchange rate is about 270 Lindens to one U.S. dollar).

Participants move about Second Life as avatars - virtual bodies you design and customize to look like anything from a normal person to someone with wings or tentacles or whatever you can imagine (my avatar is Gonzoman Plympton).

Last year a woman created and sold virtual real estate on Second Life and became the first person to make a million dollars in the virtual world. The question was whether she was able to liquidate her Lindens into real currency.

Back to Ginko.

Ginko advertised a return of 40% on investments in its Second Life bank (there was the first clue: if it is too good to be true, then it usually is). You know the rest. Initial deposits were paid interest with later deposits and at some point the banker skipped town with $75K and no forwarding address.

Linden Labs gave notice to all unregulated banks. They had to shut down operations by January 22. Virtual banks were scrambling to give depositors back their Lindens. Folks could not get their money out of virtual ATMs. According to the article in the Times, Second Life stocks plunged, as did real estate prices. Second Life is a virtual world and participants are from around the globe, so there is really no one to sue.

The most evil word in cyberspace started to surface --- regulation.

Here is my observation. Given the chaos created by this small, isolated instance, what is possible if this got really big? Could a virtual financial crisis on Second Life - one that involved real dollars - tip the real world economy into a tailspin (especially now, since we actually are teetering in a real world recession)? Let's take it a little farther. Could someone, accidentally or maliciously, trigger an international incident? Maybe Ginko was a project backed by al Queda in an effort to raise funds. There are all sorts of possibilities.

When it comes to regulating the internet, I advocate for as little as possible. But we all know that lack of regulation ultimately means that the Second Life\Ginko incident is only the beginning. Many more are coming. You cannot control the bozos and the bad people.

Few will dispute that the internet has been a boon to us marketers. One or two serious abuses, however, and pretty soon Congress will be looking into the matter. Once Congress steps in everything is up for grabs, even net neutrality.

This is my message to cyberspace: We must take care of our house. If we don't, someone will eventually take care of it for us.

And we will not like it.

The Business Owner's Nightmare: I'm Not Here!

This one stuck in my craw. Perfect example of negative branding. 

I was in the post office a few days ago (granted, it is the early Christmas season) to check the P.O. box and stuck my head in to check on getting a passport (the wife an I are thinking about a short cruise in January).  I was buzzed into this separate office and came face to face with a postal employee I recognized from the front counter (although I had not seen him there lately, and now I know why).

Before I could even speak he announced in a brusque manner, “I’m not here,” and then walked away.

He was on his break, but the damage had been done. 

“I’m not here!”

With three words, this postal worker immediately reinforced everything I had come to believe about the post office brand (the brand they don’t want you to know about).

He could have said, “This is not my department, but I will get someone to help you right way.”  He could have said, “Someone will be with you in just a minute.”  He could have said any number of things.

But instead he grumbled, “I’m not here!”

I know it is popular to pick on the post office.  But the truth is they move mountains of mail each day and almost all of it manages to get where it is going, and for a relatively inexpensive fee. They do an amazing job.  They make life interesting with new releases of stamps and they even sponsored a bicycle team at the Tour de France, and I am sure a lot of other stuff.

But at that particular moment that one postal employee managed to erase every bit of good will I had for the post office with three words:

“I’m not here.” 

This is the businessman’s lament. You can offer a great product or service, have great looking marketing pieces and signage and even a wazoo website, but how do you ensure that your brand is reinforced through one of your most important assets – your employees? How do you push your brand so that it spreads throughout the company to every employee and oozes out their fingernails and gets on everyone who comes within range?  If you are a retailer, how do you get the part-time high school kid at the front counter (who you probably pay minimum wage) to be your brand evangelist?

How do you ensure that your customers are never greeted with those three words?:

“I’m not here.”

Marketing the Unarticulated Need

This Christmas reminded me of a post I made to this blog some time back on a goodie bag I received at a golf tournament several years ago.  Anyone who has participated in golf tournaments knows and looks forward to these goodie bags.  I have received golf shoes, cover-ups (golfspeak for a windbreaker) shoe bags, golf shirts – you name it. And when I come home from these tournaments my wife takes the bag and goes through it for her own booty – pens, mini-first-aid kits and anything else that catches her eye.

             One particular goodie bag contained, of all things, a thick terrycloth bathrobe. What the heck, I thought.  A bathrobe?  I can’t wear this around the golf course to prove what a cool guy I am, that I am a part of many tournaments and obviously far better than my current game might indicate (I tell people I don’t just suck at golf, I SUCK!!!).

            Well, as I pointed out in my previous post, of all the things I have ever received at a golf tournament, that bathrobe has gotten more use than anything else.  I wear it virtually every morning, and every morning I see the tournament sponsor’s logo emblazoned on the chest (Walter’s Mercedes Benz, in case you are ever in the market for a ‘Benz). But this year my tattered and stained bathrobe has been retired.

            What this got me thinking about, though, was that lately I have been noticing how I have come across things I never thought I would get much use out of, and how I have become completely reliant upon them. 

            When I started Gonzo Marketers I got an internet service with happened to include as one of its features an FTP function.  FTP -- file transfer protocol -- is a fancy name for a privately accessed location on the web where people can send me files that are too large for e-mail.  I did not think I would have much use for this feature, but I use it all the time. It is a regular part of doing business. In fact, my clients have asked me if they can use it!

            I recently came across a good deal on a scanner.  Again, something I thought was a frivolous purchase has turned into something I use all the time. Okay, I’ll admit, half the scans are of my grandchildren – but I am still using it much more for business than I ever thought I would.

            Last year a columnist in Esquire magazine was writing about things we don’t need -- at least things we don’t think we need, and how they become indispensable. His main example was the capability of text messaging on your cell phone.  Now I have to admit, when you have the capability of calling someone, text messaging does not make much sense.  Text messaging is wildly popular though, especially with kids.  They are now building cell phones with small keyboards. A friend of mine summed it all up when she explained her use of text messaging.

            “I text message my boyfriend all the time because at his job using a cell phone is a problem.”  The very intrusiveness that is a problem for cell phones makes text messaging more useful.  If fact, if anyone out there can tell me what percentage text messaging is of the overall profit pie for the cell phone companies, I’d like to know.

            What it comes down to is marketing, and marketing starts with the inception of the product.  One school of thought is that you should never develop a product unless there is a market for it.  But the other school says that the best products are those developed before the consumer is able to recognize or articulate the need. 

Text messaging and the iPod are both good examples.  I purchased an iPod because I was curious about the marketing applications.  Now I cannot imagine life without my iPod.

I didn’t think I’d need a bathrobe until I was given one (of all places at a golf tournament). Now I know that I need a new one.  I have incorporated a bathrobe into my everyday life. I tried using a PDA, but for some reason that technology did not stick. But I can tell you now that I can’t live without my iPod.

The best products are those developed for a need to we didn’t know we had. That is an important concept to keep in mind when you are marketing that product.  

Burger King is King? At Least for Their Demographic

Kudos to Burger King for realizing that video games are another way many retailers are getting their message out and getting their core audience to “live” the brand.  Just look at this news bit from e-Marketer.com that came across the email today about Burger King having just finished up a video game campaign.  Their real genius was in coming up with a price point that would appeal to the audience:

"Certainly they're not after the sub-ten-year-olds, because the competition does that, without mentioning any names. But they want to get the 12-18 or 20 year olds, and those people play video games, and that's cool and that's trendy and that's where they want to spend their advertising money." The fact that the chain made the games a premium for food purchases also makes sense; the low price [$3.99] point (compared with $60 for full retail XBox 360 games) makes the purchase a no-brainer for people in the target demographic who already own the console.

The article mentions that Burger King’s other asset is the strong identity they have in their “Burger King” cartoon figure.  It is just another way that savvy marketers are getting their image out.  Last year Burger King managed to get the Burger King figure included in Esquire magazines Most Dubious Achievement Awards.  As with the video games, it was a good target for their audience, in that Burger King’s demographics skew to a higher age demo than Mickey D’s.

My question:  How much did Burger King pay to get into Esquire?

If you go to the Burger King website (which by the way, I think is not that great a website; looks to me as if the designer got his way too much) you will also see the Maxim Hometown Hotties (if you can find them on the Table Guest section).  Another stab at their demographic of teenagers and 20-something men.

My question is, as the one-time father of teenage boys, do I want my twelve-year old son looking at Burger King's website to satisfy his sexual curiosities? That might be his only refuge if his parents have blocked other sites. 

Wal-Mart Teaches Us Another Lesson: This Time About Wooing Clients

When I was in high school, back before the Mesolithic period, I worked for a local furniture store.  There were two general managers – one for furniture and another for appliances.  These guys were famous for engineering free meals from the various sales people and manufacturers’ reps. 

Late one summer morning while I was in the warehouse moving boxes the furniture GM called down on the intercom to talk to the appliance GM. 

“Are there any sales reps down there in the warehouse?” he asked.  The answer was no. “Well,” he mumbled disappointedly, “I guess we’re going to McDonald’s for lunch.”

This memory came to mind because I just finished reading the most recent issue of Advertising Age – the debacle of Wal-Mart and its recently sacked marketing executive Julie Roehm.  Stories of a lavish dinner, rides in an English sports car and fraternizing with the agency all came together to spell ouster for the Wal-Mart advertising exec, not even at her desk a year, and adios for an agency – DraftFCB and their $580 million account.

For some clients this might not be a problem, but for Wal-Mart it was. They have a strict code of ethics when it comes to vendors.

The image of an ad agency that wines and dines clients has been around as long as I’ve been in advertising – 15 years.  You will find it beyond the realm of advertising -- everywhere ever you find a vendor-client relationship.  But it is especially prevalent in the advertising world.  It is perpetuated on TV and in movies, and truth be told, it is expected by many clients and accepted as part of doing business by many on both sides of the fence. 

Admittedly, there is some credence to the argument by many that it is necessary for agencies to interact with potential clients outside of the formal prospective agency/prospective client relationship.  Equally as true, though, is that both sides also use this justification to ease their conscience about those three-martini lunches with the client.  (By the way, the three-martini lunch has to be a myth.  I can guarantee you that three martinis would put me under the table.)

There is a lot of posturing on both sides, including one of the competing agencies that was an also-ran, Ogilvy & Mather, who held a cook-out in honor of Wal-Mart.  Given Wal-Mart’s stringent rules about client gifts, this too was a clear violation.

My advertising career has never included the lavish dinners and other excesses of the Wal-Mart incident.  I have had clients ask that, rather than a gift, the agency contribute to a family that the client has adopted for Christmas. I also recall when I was with another agency and a prospective client subtly steered my partner and I into paying for an expensive Japanese lunch – and then never returned our phone calls. 

Quite frankly, if a client requires that kind of treatment, Gonzo Marketers is probably not their agency.

But I can tell you what I did learn from the Wal-Mart saga.  As an advertising agency, it is a good policy to check potential clients and find out what their policies are concerning agency-client relationships away from the business.  If you have done your homework, you will have one or two contacts on the inside that can help you navigate through this kind of mess.  After all, there are enough ways to screw up an agency pitch without being perceived as trying to coax the client into a serious ethics violation.

It is a Merry Christmas!

[This post originally appeared as a letter to the editor of the Daily Bulletin newspaper on 12/07/06]

It is a Merry Christmas!

I wanted to get that out of the way right up front.

It is a Merry Christmas!

Sometimes the need to be politically and socially and culturally correct compels us to lean too far and forget our own roots and values and culture, evidenced by the trend in recent years to substitute "Happy Holidays" for "Merry Christmas" during this time of year so as not to offend anyone.

I'm not going to be doing that this year.

Having spent my entire life in the ethnic patchwork of Southern California, I have often been in situations and settings where the culture was far different than the one in which I was raised. It might have been Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, Eastern European - the list goes on and on.

But each time I have been asked to share the customs of another culture -- to eat their food, exchange their greetings or take part in their traditions -- I have been touched. I have been touched that they thought enough to include me in their festivities. That they have taken the time to explain things to me makes it all the more meaningful.

We live in a society that is rich with difference and variety. There are fewother places in the world like the United States, and to not take full advantage of it is a mistake. Everybody brings a little to the pot and we all take away so much more. I grew up in a home and culture where Christmas was celebrated. Your culture might include Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or Ramadan or Chinese New Year or countless other holidays. To not recognize any one of them means the pot is a bit less.      

So this year when I wish you a Merry Christmas, I am inviting you to take part in the culture in which I grew up.

I hope that you return the favor.

It is a Merry Christmas.

The Bottled Water of Computers

An article came across my browner this morning that reminds me of the age old question: Ford vs. Chevy.  Except for the last few decades the question has been PC vs. Mac.

I have owned both types of computers.  They each have their benefits.  But in the end I have found no discernible difference in how it affected my productivity.  I used to work for an agency that was solidly in the PC camp, even for their designers.  Again, I did not see any difference in performance.

Okay, there actually is a difference:  Mac has done a better job of branding their product, so they are able to exact a premium for it.

The article, on the on-line version of Information Week, reported that nearly half the U.S. user base of Apple is over 55 years of age.  PC users number 25.2% in the same category.

Insider joke moment:  Does this mean that about half the people at a Rolling Stone concert own an Apple compter? (see previous post)

I can see a couple of reasons for the older demographic Apple computers.

First: Apple was a name that was out early on in the computer game.  We all remember the 1984 Super Bowl ad.  They branded early and branded well.  That early branding has carried through to later loyalty in their customers. Many Apple users are evangelists for their product – one of the hallmarks of effective marketing.

Second: Apple advertises itself as not crashing as often as a PC, and it is relatively virus free in relation to a PC.  For the crashing part, I disagree. All my Mac-brat friends seem to experience crashing more than I do on my PC (although they always blame it on a “software problem”).

About the only area where I see Apple having a distinct edge is in their resistance to threats from virus.  But if you own a PC, a few inexpensive software packages and staying away from the problem web sites (read porn) will solve that problem.

According to the article, Gateway has the largest foothold in the younger demographic – 18 to 24 year olds.  This explains why Apple spent a lot of $$$ running their last ad campaign with the two men on various on-line venues as well as TV.  TV is notoriously bad for reaching that younger demographic. Not a bad campaign, by the way.

Considering that Gateway has had some problems, this is great in showing their comeback strength.  Plus they have good branding. 

There are some other interest numbers on Apple’s strength in the laptop market.  However in the end I will probably stay with my PC.  I see Apple as being the bottled water of computers. 

I can’t wait for the mail. 

An Old Fart Goes to a Rock Concert!

Sorry it took me a few days to get this post up, but I have been busy working out.  You see, I’ve seen the convalescent homes of the future and I want to stay out of them!

They are going to look like a Rolling Stones concert.

Okay, it wasn’t that bad, but I couldn’t resist the joke.

As I posted last week, my brother invited me to the Rolling Stones on Thanksgiving Eve at Dodger Stadium.  It was a lesson, in part, on how rock concerts are milking the cash cow for as much as possible these days. The event was at Dodger Stadium – capacity 56,000.  If everyone paid the $120 my ticket was worth, that’s $6.7 million.  My seat was one level below nose bleed, so you know many people paid more.  It was probably closer to $10 million for the gate. It was $20 a car to park – There’s another $320,000.  It cost $12.50 for a beer, $6 for peanuts, and the least expensive Rolling Stone t-shirt went for $35 (I bought mine from a hawker out on the street for $20). Add to this that Radio Shack sponsored the event. 

Rock ‘n Roll is still making a lot of money! (And I am acting like an old fart complaining about how much money it cost, and my tickets were free!)

The concert was great.  Bonnie Raitt was the opening act and she went on right at 7:00 pm.  Her voice and guitar are enough to make anyone convert to country music.  I had no idea Bonnie was opening for the Stones, so it was an extra treat. 

Bonnie was off the stage before 8:00, a little bit of a disappointment, considering that the Stones were not going to be on for a while. The stadium was less than half full.  Thanksgiving traffic was taking its toll.  You could see lines of cars snaking through the parking lot.  There were a lot of people still to get in.  My sister, who brought her son, didn’t make it in until 9:00 pm. As it turned out, the band held off coming on in order to allow fans to get through the tangled freeways.  Another reason these guys are great.

In the meantime, I pondered the four-story structure in the outfield. It was a huge television screen – 40 feet high, flanked by huge wings, and loomed over the stage.  As a Southern California native, I have been to Dodger Stadium countless times – although this was the first time it was for anything other than a Dodger’s game – so I knew this structure was not permanent.

The audience was as you might predict – a lot of middle-aged folks from all walks of life.  There were also some Gen-Xers and some Gen Ys.  Many of them were there with their parents.  You could almost hear the older folks saying, “This is what rock ‘n roll is all about.”

Just after 9:00 I saw the bottom two levels of the structure in the outfield filling up with people.  I wondered what the cost of those seats was – probably upwards of $500. At 9:20 Keith Richards walked out, followed by Mick Jagger and the rest of the Stones.  “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” blasted throughout the stadium, and the mysterious structure in the outfield turned into a huge lightshow, comparable to anything you would see in Las Vegas or anyplace else.  It was spectacular!

They have been playing concerts for better than 40 years, but the Rolling Stones are a class act.  Mick Jagger, north of 60, still moves like a teenager.  He never stopped.  At one point I was trying to take the music away and just watch him.  He is so distinctive.  What he reminds me of is an old Afro American blues musician who has been filled with religion at a tent revival -- his arms especially. I got tired just watching him.  Thanks to the giant TV screen we got up close views.  Keith Richards never stopped smiling.  It was a lot of energy. 

Three songs into the concert Bonnie Raitt joined the Stones for a country song -- Dead Flowers.  It was classic.  So was the The Midnight Rider and a version of Sympathy for the Devil that was worthy of any MTV performance.

It was during this time that I observed the disconcert that led me to my earlier observation about convalescent homes of the future.  There were a lot of Gen Xers in the audience, but there were also a lot of aging baby boomers. A few of them had broken out their tie-dye t-shirts, but most of them were dressed for their age, and dancing in the aisles like they were teenagers, clutching purses and teetering on wallets bulging with pictures of grandchildren. 

I could see the scene around many Thanksgiving tables the next day: Grandpa in a $35 Rolling Stones t-shirt showing anyone who would look the fuzzy pictures he took the night before at the concert with his cell phone.  Pretty much described me.

The last song before the encore was Satisfaction.  This is where I turned into the old fogy that I know I am.  My brother and I knew the encore was coming, and after it, 56,000 people were going to pour into their cars in the parking lot. Judging by the heavy smell of marijuana wafting through the stadium, it was going to be an adventure. It would take hours to get out. 

We ducked out and were on the Harbor Freeway ten minutes later, before the encore was probably done.  We’re not above going to a Stones concert, but we didn’t have the patience for the traffic.

What's This About a Martha Stewart Story?

This all began back in 1994 or 1995 as Martha was just beginning to reach what would become her height of popularity that continues today, despite her misadventures in the stock market.

I was working for an agency and one of our clients had just brought in a new marketing executive and, true to form, she decided to do an agency review.

We had run some print ads in Martha Stewart Living for another client in the same industry with some success, so we were looking at incorporating the magazine into a campaign for this client as well. We contacted the magazine and discussed rates.

A week later we got a call back from the magazine: Martha was going to be appearing at a luncheon at Raincross Square in Riverside, they explained, and would we like to be her guests?  They could give us six tickets.  We naturally accepted and immediately assembled an entourage from both the agency and client side. I should also mention that I checked around and even though this event was a month off it was sold out.  We had something here.     The day of the event arrived. Little did I know what was in store for me.

Prior to the luncheon there was a crafts fair and Martha was signing books. Martha was in the far corner of the exhibition hall, ensconced like a queen in her throne under an elaborate canopy affair. A line of women clutching books to be signed by the domestic diva snaked throughout the exhibit hall.  In fact, the entire exhibit hall was packed, mostly with women.  The best I could do was catch glimpses of Martha through the throngs – an occasional flash of her blond hair or her smile. I felt not unlike a small child trying to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus. Around me there were booths of table decorations and cooking accessories and knick knacks of all sorts.  This was definitely a chick hangout.

What I really found interesting was that there were a number of Martha wannabes at this event.  What is a Martha wannabe, you ask?  These were women who dressed like Martha, did their hair like Martha, and obviously took pains to look like Martha.  Other than having this Martha fixation, these people looked fairly normal – no signs of serious pathology. It didn’t look like a group fixing to kidnap Martha and spirit her off to be held hostage at some cooking school.  These were ladies who just wanted to look like Martha Stewart. Strange. 

The announcement came.  Lunch was to be served.  We all moved into the dining hall.  Me, Martha and 1,000 other women.  The rep from Martha Stewart gave me a ticket for table #31.

It took some time to find my table.  The dining hall was packed.  There were people – all women – everywhere.  I finally got to table #31.  The crowds were even thicker.  Finally a few bodies parted and I was able to better view my lunch table. 

There, sitting at table #31, was Martha.

I was going to have lunch at the same table with Martha Stewart – the domestic diva! 

Someone came to the microphone and got things going, so we all sat down. My boss, a woman, was sitting next to Martha, and I was next to my boss.  There I was – one person away from being elbow to elbow with Martha Stewart!

The lunch was a forgettable affair, especially if you are a man – those lady finger sandwiches are gone in a gulp.  They might make a good meal if you can get your hands on thirty or forty of them.

While we ate lunch and worked on our anorexia, Martha gave her presentation.  I recall that most of it was about marzipan – a must have for serious kitchen folk made from almonds and powdered confectioner’s sugar and egg white.  By the time Martha was done, I was convinced that I needed a store of marzipan in my toolbox for the next time I changed the oil in my car.  That stuff is handy!

Martha’s presentation was winding down.  I started to panic.  So far the only thing I had done was mumble a few comments, laugh at a few jokes, and try not to steal too many lady finger sandwiches from other people’s plates.  I had done nothing to distinguish myself to Martha Stewart.  Nothing!

What could I do?  She was handing out thank yous and acknowledgements and here I was, little more than a hulk sitting in a chair.  She was walking down the short flight of stairs from the stage.  This was my moment.  Suddenly, it flashed on me.

As Martha wound her way through the tables I stood, careful to catch my linen napkin before it fell to the floor.  She was approaching.  I had to act.  I moved to my right, around my boss’s chair, and turned towards Martha, who was a mere three feet way ----- and I pulled out the chair for her. She made eye contact and smiled.

I held Martha Stewart’s chair.  I actually touched her.  We had a moment.  I have a bond with American royalty.  She likely does not remember me, but I will remember that moment --- forever.